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A
Horse’s Gift
Kathie
Orr
For quite some
time, I have been intrigued by the unique characteristics of the horse
that are utilized in EFL (equine facilitated learning) and EAP (equine
assisted psychotherapy) programs.
Beyond their captivating presence, it is in their undomesticated
instincts and innate nature that they provide us with the gift of seeing
ourselves.
Their natural ability to pick up on our emotional state by reading our
body language and sensing our energy equips them to respond to our true
nature and intentions whether we are consciously trying to display them
or not.
It is common for humans, especially women, to put our best face
forward in an effort to control how we are perceived by others. Women,
who are commonly plagued by a lack of self esteem and confidence, tend
to exert more effort in hiding their feelings and in trying to be
someone their not. Horses, unlike most humans, will see through this
façade. They are more comfortable with our true nature then we are, and
in being so, they invite us to take our masks off and have a good long
look at ourselves. When we become self aware, we can change, and through
those changes our self-esteem and confidence can grow.
While
attending a sociology class this fall, I was given the assignment of
creating an informal research project. I took this opportunity to
examine the effect EAP and EFL has on a woman’s self-esteem and
confidence. I created a questionnaire and gave it to several women who
have been participating in this work for some time. The questions
referred to each woman’s personal experience, and specifically how the
sessions and the horses impacted and changed their life.
I asked them whether or not participating in EFL had an impact
on their self-esteem. I also asked if participating in EFL influenced
the level to which they thought they were a capable person who can
accomplish goals, be resourceful and face challenges.
One of the participants, a midlife professional woman with horse
experience, reported that she attended
multiple workshops and sessions over the last two years which have
dramatically changed her perspective on life. Prior to working with
horses she felt invisible and lived in constant fear of “being honest,
of being visible, of speaking (her) mind, of having an opinion”.
Emitting this energy while working with the horses, they either ignored
her or walked all over her, as they would another horse lower on the
hierarchal chain of command. She realized she was allowing her self to
be ignored and walked all over in her life as well. With this new
awareness she was able to change the particular beliefs she held of
herself that were enabling her to remain invisible in her own life. She
now welcomes challenges and change due to healthier, previously
non-existent, sense of self-esteem.
On a personal level, my own self esteem and confidence have
increased from my experience with EFL. When I bought my horse, Dixie,
I was given and accepted the perception that she was a bit mean spirited
and that I should use force at the first sign that she was being unruly.
With this belief in my head, I judged her immediately as something to be
afraid of and interpreted almost any reaction from her to be an attempt
to take advantage of me. While working with Dixie, I didn’t trust in my
own ability to process the relationship for what it was in the moment.
I literally felt she was out to get me regardless of what she did.
I handled her with fearful aggression, which caused her to
respond in the same way. I was timid and jumpy around her, which made
her, as a prey animal, on guard and unsure of me. I tried to cover my
fear and self doubt with strength and hyper vigilance; unfortunately,
ambivalence doesn’t work with horses. If you’re not who you say you
are, or your outward expression doesn’t match your inner beliefs, the
horse will call you on it through their interactions with us. No matter
how I tried to fake it….she knew I wasn’t a reliable leader.
It wasn’t until I was exposed to EFL that I was able to let go
of the preconceived beliefs I had of Dixie and myself…and that’s when
the learning could begin. It is obvious to me now that in the moment my
horse was responding to my behavior and my emotional state. When I
became aware of my role in the relationship, I saw that I had a choice
on how to behave.
When I approached her as a confident leader, without my former
judgments, her aggression ceased as she realized her survival was not at
stake and she felt safe to treat me like a lead horse rather than a
predator. When I approached her without fear and remained calm around
her….she was reassured that I posed no threat to her survival and our
relationship changed dramatically.
From this awareness and by working with an EFL facilitator, I
was encouraged to take what I learned with my horse and apply it to my
life. In my life, I often formed snap judgments based on a negative
first impression or on someone else’s perception…as I did with my
horse. I now try to evaluate circumstances for what they are rather
than what they may at first seem to be.
I trust my intuition much more when dealing with an intimidating
situation because I have more confidence in my ability to work through
challenging situations. Instead of becoming paralyzed by fear or
extremely aggressive when I feel vulnerable, my increased self esteem
encourages me to look past my initial fears so that I can experience the
reality of a situation, person or horse for that matter. The reality of
a situation has much more ability to positively influence us when our
perception of it comes from a place of clarity.
Through speaking to other women about EFL and EAP, and from my
own experience….I believe this work can have an amazing impact on a
woman’s self esteem and confidence along with benefiting many other
aspects of her life and relationships.
My name is
Kathie Orr. I have been blessed with the opportunity to have horses
in my life for about six years now. My journey with them is continuous
and ever changing. The first experience I ever had with a horse was in
the fifth grade at a friend’s barn during her riding lesson. At the
offer to hop on, I immediately said yes, but was suddenly overcome with
fear and panic as I came into the horse’s presence. It was over ten
years until I acknowledged my desire to experience the horse again and
overcame my fears. Over the past year my relationship with horses has
again changed, as I am now delving into the world of EAP and EFL. I am
constantly learning more and more about horses, as they are always
teaching me. Please contact me at the following email address if you
have any questions regarding my article.
Ladystetson7@aol.com
God Bless,
Kathie Orr
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