Forgiveness Starts Inside: Message from a Soul Friend
By Leigh
Shambo, MSW
One of
the often-cited attributes of horses is their uncanny ability to
know a lot about a person almost instantly, and many stories get
swapped about the instant spark of soul recognition that occurs
sooner or later for everyone with a particular horse, a horse
that will not touch any one else in quite the same way. There
is a Celtic term for this: Anam Cara, or “soul friend”. Could
it be that this soul friend is carrying a message that goes far
beyond the traditional horse-human relationship?
.....
In my equine-facilitated therapy and
personal growth practice, I encourage participants to follow the
thread of connection offered by the spontaneous resonance of a
particular horse with a particular person. In an amazing and
therapeutic way, such alliances can guide the person to access
higher levels of awareness. Then, horses reward this heightened
awareness with gentle bonding responses. Such experiences are
even more astonishing when we are working with the horse in ways
that have nothing to do with traditional riding or
horsemanship.
To give
a concrete example, "Erin" (not her real name) came to a session
at HEAL in hopes of shifting the grip of depression on her
psyche. Erin was burdened with feelings of regret over her
divorce and its effects on her teenage child, and also felt at a
loss for finding new directions in her life. She was at a
very low point that made it impossible for her to recognize her
many positive qualities. After an orientation session that
included awareness exercises to practice with the horses, Erin
went out to meet the herd.
A tall
bay mare named Frieda strode forward to meet Erin, who was
immediately struck by the regal horse’s aura of
self-possession. Later Erin was surprised to learn that she
shared similarities with Frieda: both are the mothers of
almost-grown children, both are independent females to whom
personal space is important, and both had reached out to greet
each other with an eagerness beyond their characteristic
reserve. Erin felt that Frieda might be the horse that held an
important message for her today.
Before
entering the pen with Frieda, Erin felt a poignant desire to
have Frieda give her a sign, a physical action signifying for
Erin ‘forgiveness’ and affirmation of her innate worth in spite
of her recent experiences. She entered the pen full of hope for
this healing connection. But Frieda ignored Erin, and moved
away whenever Erin made attempts to approach her. Painful
minutes passed. This was not what Erin expected from the horse
who had approached her in such a knowing way just a short while
earlier. What was Frieda trying to say?
Very
gently I suggested that Erin contemplate what it would feel like
to forgive herself. In that moment, Frieda looked toward Erin
as if for the first time, and promptly walked over to her, made
a small circle around her, and stood by her side! Erin
practiced for another half hour. Whenever Erin wanted Frieda to
bestow forgiveness, Frieda would move away from her again. Each
time she could hold the thought of forgiving herself, Frieda
would again join up close by Erin's side. Erin later reported
that remembering to forgive herself first brought greater
emotional well-being, increasingly positive relationships with
her daughter and ex-spouse, and better success in building new
relationships to sustain her through a difficult life stage.
Erin
returned to HEAL a month later. As she walked out into to the
pasture on a sunny day with Khrista Roberts, the HEAL barn
manager, they paused for awhile to watch Frieda and her pasture
mate, Gem, grazing peacefully in the lower portion of the
pasture. The horses soon noticed them, and began walking toward
them. Khrista, unaware of what had transpired in the earlier
session with Erin and Frieda, observed something unusual in
Frieda’s behavior.
“Frieda
did something odd today,” Khrista reported. “When Erin and I
were watching the horses come up from the pasture, I said I
would halter Frieda, since I was carrying her halter. And
Frieda did come toward me, but brushed past me in order to greet
Erin by burying her face in her chest!” Khrista and I both know
that such an unabashed show of affirmation is unusual for the
proud mare.
A few
minutes later I greeted Erin, who was glowing. “She remembered
me,” Erin said simply. Tears moistened her eyes but didn’t dim
her smile. “And today she gave me what I wasn’t ready to accept
last time. How can others give me what I am not ready to give
myself?” Frieda sighed with contentment as Erin went back to
brushing her shiny coat.
Author
Leigh Shambo,
MSW is a
clinical therapist and educator whose
first career was horse training and instruction. Leigh
is widely recognized for her articulation of the
horse-human bond and its application in therapeutic and
learning programs. She is the founder and lead
therapist for
Human-Equine Alliances for Learning
(HEAL), a
non-profit charitable organization that supports
equine-assisted services and programs for healing,
personal growth and riding/training.
Leigh is an Advanced
Facilitator
graduate of Linda Kohanov's Epona Center
apprenticeship
program and is EAGALA
certified.
