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An Equine Home Run- Part One
Khrista
Engelhardt
One day in the rain I met a horse that would set me on a path of
personal growth I could never have imagined. I am ‘K’ in a previous
article written by Karen Schenkle – Brandle; you may have read the story
describing the journey of her horse, Little League. She told of Little
League’s journey in becoming a therapy horse and our subsequent meeting;
I was to be his first client. Our paths came together for one brief
weekend in April 2006 at a three-day workshop entitled Invisible
Horsemanship for Riders, facilitated by Leigh Shambo of HEAL and
Karen Schenkle of Chirons Way. The workshop took place at Karen’s home
in Maple Valley, Washington. What Karen couldn’t tell you is how that
weekend acted as a catalyst for me in my search for understanding myself
and this thing called life.
.....I
chose Little League as my partner for the weekend, not because I thought
he was beautiful or even because I liked his personality. He reminded me
of the crotchety grandfather type, only with a whole lot of attitude.
Little League made it perfectly clear what he thought of us as a
group and what he thought of me as an individual. He wanted none of it.
He would glare, pin his ears and toss his head. When that didn’t work,
he presented his hindquarters with as much disdain as he could muster. I
none the less chose him as my partner, hoping to save my fellow
participants the agony of defeat. To say I was less than enthused about
our partnership is an understatement. When I had the assignment of
leading him from pasture to stall, he proceeded to drag me to the
choicest grass along the way. Now I am not an inexperienced horsewoman;
I have been a horse person for twenty plus years. This little package of
horse was audacious, bold and rather flippant; he made it clear I had no
right to ask anything of him. I felt I had the right to ask simply by
virtue of being human. We were not going to get along! I thought the
die cast.
During our group discussions things came up for me that I had
been carrying for years. I was out of my comfort zone. I had been
dealing with anxiety for several years and had not been away from home
overnight during that period. This group of woman held a space for me to
become comfortable and safe. They were so insightful; I became relaxed
in their company and really enjoyed the fabulous sense of community that
we developed. As I sat basking in my newfound independence, there was
Lil League across the aisle, glaring from his stall. He was so intent in
his rancor I felt defensive. I was determined not to let him ruin my
newfound sense of accomplishment.
I shared with the group some of the difficulties I had faced
growing up and how they had affected me as an adult. I did not trust my
heart, I trusted my head. Even though try as I might, I could not make
rational sense out of my own irrational behavior.
I had a reflective session with Little League and felt a sense of
sadness under his cranky demeanor but that was all. As we wrapped it up
for the day I asked for some private time with Leigh. I had probed some
old wounds that needed to be addressed. Leigh listened through it all
while I tried to keep a rein on my emotions, not wanting to turn into a
geyser of tears for long repressed pain. She helped me to release it in
small pieces so as not to become overwhelmed.
The next day I was to have a reflective session once again with
Little League. Karen helped me do a body scan. Now this bit I was not
very good at. I have always been more in my head than my heart. I have
felt that my body had betrayed me through illness and therefore was not
to be trusted. Regardless of any trepidation on my part I went ahead
with the scan. To my delight I found a great sense of peace. After
unloading years worth of repressed emotion. I was in a very “happy
place”.
We walked to where little league was grazing, Karen instructed
me to stand with my back to him and do a quick scan to see how I was
feeling, and sure enough I was still “happy”. Karen said “now turn
around and anything that comes up is probably not yours. You know how
you are feeling by means of the scan, therefore it is most likely his.
So still being in my “ happy place” with a smile of peace, I turned to
face Little League and in that moment my perspective changed.
I was hit with an intense sense of panic. I physically and
emotionally felt it in my upper chest. My knees started to shake, my
voice began to quaver, and I started to tremble. I thought for a moment
my own anxiety had returned with a vengeance but I remembered Karen had
said” it’s not yours” so through my tears I tried to tell her what I was
feeling. I walked to Little League and put my hands on him in an attempt
to sooth him. I felt the emotions of fear, betrayal and misplaced trust,
this whole riot of emotion cascaded through me .The tears continued to
flow, I was nearly overwhelmed. I got words from him loud and clear
“you’re here to buy me”. He didn’t understand that the workshop was for
us to learn about our personal growth, he thought we were there to buy
him! I began to understand his personality a little better. I told Karen
this and we both were very moved, we proceeded to reassure him that that
was not the case. Amazingly, he did not believe me. I guess because I’m
human I assumed he would take what I said at face value. I came to
understand that this little horse knew better than to accept anything I
said as truth once again for that very same reason.
We reconvened our circle and discussed our results, each of us in
turn, as I shared my experience with Little League everyone was deeply
affected and began to see him in a different light. We said our
good-byes for the evening .I had a lot to consider. Throughout dinner I
felt the twinge in my chest from the force of Little Leagues anxiety and
the emotion was still very close to the surface. I retired that evening
and tried to journal it all. I so wanted to capture the essence of the
exchange between this very misunderstood horse and myself but my head
failed to grasp what was overflowing in my heart.
Read the unexpected and astonishing ending to this story next month in
Equus Spirit!
~
Author Khrista Engelhardt has been a
breeder of quarter horses for 25 years and is a partner/owner of
Riversmeet Quarter and Paint Horses. She is also the barn manager at
HEAL (Human Equine Alliances for Learning) in Chehalis,
Washington. Khrista can be contacted at
riversmeet@myhome.net
Read more Equus Spirit articles
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