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A
Rather Unconventional Gift
Karin Schenkel
The gift was delivered to me a little
more than a month ago. It arrived unexpectedly and has been sent to me
by an unknown sender. There is hardly anyone, who would even call it a
gift, because the items in the box were pain, hardship, a lot of
inconvenience for me and our 3 horses and a ton of extra chores for my
family.
….
So that’s what the gift box held
for me: It was after a cold and snowy period in November when I went up
the ladder to our hayloft to get the shop vacuum down. The barn looked
filthy. Dust, hay and mice droppings were gathering in every corner and
I thought that vacuuming would save me some time and also would do a
much better job than just sweeping. I climbed up the ladder as I had
done many times before. The vacuum was stored in a corner of the hay
loft and approaching it, I heard that loud and clear voice speaking to
me: “Don’t do it, you are going to fall”. Pretending to just not have
heard it, I proceeded with my task. I pulled the vacuum to the edge of
the hayloft, close enough to the ladder so that I could grab it with my
right hand to lift it over the edge. With my left hand I held on to the
ladder. And there it was again, the voice, which said: “Don’t do this,
you are going to fall”. Within a split second I made a choice; I felt
the arm muscle in my right arm tighten the grip around the handle of the
vacuum and giving it a little jolt the voice was there for the third
time: “You are falling”, it said this time and what I saw was the ladder
disappearing from the hay loft floor. When the ladder hit the floor,
there was this excruciating pain in my right foot. It felt as if a sharp
object had just cut it in half.
Against all logic, I called my
husband who works 25 miles away. He could not possibly be of any help to
me but I just needed to hear his voice. After several trials I had a
connection and was able to tell him what happened. The connection broke
off and the next thing I remember was receiving a call from 911. A
woman’s voice told me that the medics were on there way. By then the
cold had taken possession of my whole body and shook it back and forth
in uncontrollable convulsions.
I was taken to the ER of the local
hospital where X-Rays had been taken from my foot. The message that I
received was everything but pleasant. All my Metatarsals were broken, 2
of them dislocated and 1 shattered. I would need surgery and after that
my foot would not be able to bear weight for at least 2 month. I felt
that insurmountable mountain rise in front of me and just like an echo I
heard the following over and over again:
“What would happen to the horses; who
would take care of them every day? Who would ride them and groom them
and clean their stalls? What would I do with all that time? How would
I fill all these hours that I usually spend outside? How would I prevent
myself from going crazy? Would I be able to do everything that I love
again? Would my foot heal?”
….And then there were the lyrics of
a country song by “Lonestar”, which I’ve heard so many times, cleaning
the barn and humming the melody: “God gave us mountains to learn how to
climb”.
So here I was with a broken foot and
the mountain to climb ahead of me. Obviously I couldn’t climb it the
“traditional way”, as I was used to and as I have done many times
before. I had to change my strategy in order to conquer this one. When I
closed my eyes I could see the landscape that was waiting for me on the
other side. It is beautiful.
There is a lush green meadow full of
spring flowers, with a stream is running through it. I can hear the soft
murmur of the running water. Hiding behind rocks, there are fish with
silver shining skin. And there are horses, a whole herd of beautiful
horses, grazing close to the stream; peaceful, quiet; just the calm
breeze breaking the silence; like the recurring motif in a symphony.
Blue skies with cotton clouds as far as you can see; the buzzing sound
of flies, interrupted by the swishing of the horses’ tails, like the bow
of the violinist, gently scratching the cords. Swoosh, swoosh, swoosh.
But I am not there yet. I am on the
other side, at the foot of the mountain, which is covered in snow and
ice. There is a narrow path at the bottom, just footprints from a
climber ahead of me. I don’t know how far it takes me, maybe further
along I will have to build my own trail and my footsteps will be guiding
someone else, who has to climb the mountain after me. It is dangerous
because there are crevices and avalanches and it is hard because I can
only move slowly in the deep snow. Sometimes it feels like walking one
step forward but two backwards again. I might not have the right
equipment to succeed. In order to reach my goal I have to listen to the
voice of nature. I can only go as fast as the surrounding allows me to
and I need to rest in order to regain strength. I have to pause, because
of storms and high winds. I have to take the time it takes to get to the
top. And also on the way down I have to be careful and take enough time.
No rush, no shortcut, no distraction. Every little mistake can be
deadly, can cost my life. But if I overcame these obstacles, I will find
the warmth of the sun, the green of the meadow, the colors of the spring
flowers and the peace of the horses. I will find life of it’s fullest.
I don’t know exactly how far I have
already climbed the mountain and what obstacles I will still have to
face, but I know that I am on my way. I take the moment as it is, see
its beauty and adjust to it as you adjust the lens of your camera to get
this perfect picture you have always dreamed of. I live in the moment,
just like my friends down in the barn. Like the horses in the wild
and the horses in my imaginative meadow, that I will find at the end of
my journey.
This is the gift that I have received
a month ago; the gift to see the beauty in the little things that
surround me, the gift to live from one moment to the other as if time
had stopped and I am captured in a little shell that keeps me from
rushing through the day, stopping me from doing what I have to do,
want to do, got to do ….I also received the gift of believing in myself
and my ability to adjust to every situation that life throws at me but I
also received the gift of believing in the love and support of my family
and my friends. I have received the gift to see, that “God gave us
mountains in order to learn how to climb”, and I embraced the challenge
and climbed.
Karin Schenkel
is a Psychologist and an Epona approved instructor. Before discovering
the healing power of horses, she has worked in several different
Psychiatric Hospitals and had her private practice, where she worked
predominantly with cancer and eating disorder patients. She now runs
“Chiron Counseling and Consulting, LLC”, an Equine Experiential
Learning organization in Maple Valley, WA, which is focused on Team
Development, Leadership, Personal growth and Identity and Eating
Disorder. Karin can be
reached at
Karin_schenkel@msn.com
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