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THE HORSES ARE CALLING - PART TWO
Heart
Connection
by Michelle Downey
Superstition has it that curiosity ‘killed the cat’. I’m learning just
the opposite. Curiosity is infusing me with new life. Too few times in
my life did I consciously let that happen. More often than not, my
rational brain would take me by the reins and gallop me down the
well-worn path I was ‘supposed’ to travel, to get to a place I was
‘supposed’ to be, in order to arrive at the time I was ‘supposed’ to
arrive. Very much like the pony ride through the woods at summer camp
when I was a little girl. This pony took me for a ‘hold onto your
saddle’, lightning fast gallop, straight down the only path this pony
knew, skidding into the paddock just as the clock struck high noon! No
sooner. No later. Curiosity had surely been bred out of him, and he had
surely bred it out of me. It was the last ride I took for many years.
I’m curious, though, as to what we might have discovered had I
dismounted and walked, reins in hand, through those mysterious and
shadowy woods.
....
When deciding what horse farm I should visit
next, my diligent searching uncovered the name of a stallion that
actually had a familiar ring to it. Being that 18 years had passed since
I’d been in a place to hear any horse’s name, my curiosity was
aroused. Who was this aged creature? How was it that this stallion was
in my neighborhood? Was it coincidence? Or was it the horses calling me
again for another ‘re-discovery’? I quickly called the farm to set an
appointment.
Upon
arrival, I felt as though I had dismounted and was walking through those
mysterious and shadowy woods at summer camp. Accompanying me was my very
pregnant daughter and her ‘not-quite-two year old’ son. Meeting our
surprisingly pregnant hostess and her four year old son, they proceeded
to show us three brand new litters of kittens as we entered the barn.
Creation had exploded onto the scene and curiosity had me by the tail.
And I hadn’t seen any horses yet!
The
stallion, whom I’d greatly anticipated meeting, was just a few steps
away. Delighted, I looked out into the paddock where he was standing.
I’ll never forget the picture I took in my head as his blanket was being
removed. As if in slow motion, he shook his entire body, then turned so
his eyes met mine. His head was held high and his mane was handsomely
wild and disheveled. At that moment, he exuded a commanding presence
that caused me to stand perfectly quiet and still...watching. I was
mesmerized at how kind nature had been to him, retaining such a
physically powerful stature, and still being so strikingly handsome. It
was all sort of like my husband’s reaction to Bo Derek as she walked out
of the ocean in slow motion, in the movie “10”. You probably get the
idea...
I
only regained consciousness when the high energy of the young colt
called our attention toward his stall. He had not yet learned
composure, like the stallion. Just the opposite. This boy was
ambitiously feeling his youth. His high voltage switch was in the ‘on’
position. He was eager to be led to the large outdoor arena, where his
calories could be burned at a faster rate. His energy seemed unstoppable
as he felt the freedom of being unleashed. Until…he saw
my daughter and
son. Suddenly, the three were huddled together over the fence posts nose
to nose. Each obviously curious about each other - and to my
astonishment - all quite calm. I continued to watch in amazement. His
unstoppable passion had been tempered - softened - by the presence of a
child. He had their attention...and mine. When they reluctantly
separated, I surely thought the colt would bolt back around the arena,
resuming his calorie burning regimen. Instead, he stood completely still
as his longing gaze followed my daughter and son walking away. He was
trying to speak, but my ears couldn’t hear him just yet.
The
third and final character in this play was their outstandingly beautiful
brood mare. Approaching her in the pasture, her stance was fittingly and
rightfully proud. Close by her side was her filly of one month.
Together, they began to gallop from one end of the pasture to the other,
back and forth in front of us, both in perfect harmony with each other.
Before closing the gate to the pasture, we were informed that this mare,
too, had already been “re-bred”. Should I say my curiosity had peaked?
Whatever the horses were saying to me this time, they didn’t want me to
miss.
My
mind was in a whirlwind driving away from their farm. I simply couldn’t
escape the strangely interconnected symmetry of creativity that
surrounded us. I knew it to be more than just coincidence; and it was
more than ‘curious’. My mind was desperately searching to understand
what I’d witnessed. But it was my mind that was vacant of the
understanding I needed. So it was my heart that finally told the story.
Admittedly, I had been very drawn to the stallion. He was the main
purpose for my visit, as far as I was concerned. But he was only
one-third of the story. He became the mirror that reflected another
ghost from my past. The stallion showed me how he had become skillful,
even admirable, in his service of man. As had I. He demonstrated how he
had obediently complied and conformed to the rules and traditions set
before him. As had I. The bottom line was that he had been properly
trained. As had I.
Horses don’t have the option of not responding to the forces of
life. The way they behave is a direct reflection of their feelings at
the time. Simple. To the point. Authentic. My humanism, on the other
hand, is capable of modifying and inhibiting my responses to the world.
At any given moment, I can ignore, suppress, control, or shape my
feelings in order to formulate a determined response. That, in fact, has
been my ‘training’: acting one way, while feeling quite another
way. I’d learned quite well how to conform to the idealized rules of an
intellectual culture where the mind was a god; God was a rational
intellectual; and feelings were outlawed as being a mortal enemy. I
survived by accepting a modern day version of leprosy: where one is cut
off from oneself through a gross loss of feeling and sensation. The
feelings and instincts I’d experienced as a child had been successfully
held at bay and had eventually grown dormant. But...it was the way it
was. Old school. I had been ‘properly’ trained.
That’s where the colt comes in. This boy was in complete contrast to the
stallion. He had not yet been ‘trained’ as the stallion and I. This
colt’s feelings and natural instincts were overflowing! Like a child
unable to contain his excitement, his running, tossing his mane,
prancing, and whinnying, all were simply because he ‘felt’ it. Being a
horse, his mind could not ignore or suppress those impulses. Then he saw
the child. Again, I witnessed his natural instincts sense the fragility
- the innocence - the authenticity of that child. His unbridled passion
flowed into a graceful balance of feelings alongside wisdom. Compassion
alongside respect. The heart alongside the mind. This is where he had my
attention. I agree, that in the presence of my grandchild, I too, engage
in wisdom and tenderness. But that’s pretty much where that connection
stops. Anything outside the ‘baby’ category immediately aligns under the
‘reasonable’ and/or ‘logical’ categories. It’s been many years since
feelings have even been considered in the basic everyday decision
making process, whether that’s family, friends, business or even health.
But my ears were open now and I could hear what the colt was trying to
say. The distinctively destructive boundary between intellect and
feeling can be erased so that we are no longer cut off from our own
self.
Not
unlike the opposing sides of a pair of magnets, tradition had taught me
that intellect and feelings were not only opposing forces, but polar
opposites, continually repelling each other, each vying for its own
control Continuing to favor one extreme over the other keeps us
disconnected from ourself. Split down the middle. The same magnets,
however, become quite powerful when turned around. These opposing forces
become not only complimentary, but, when merged together, create a
unified ‘force’ of their own. Two parts fused together so that they
cannot separate. Not unlike a fetus in a womb. Unity in diversity. Mind
balanced with heart. Practicality balanced with spirituality. This
integration…this new creation…is authenticity. The very nature of the
horse. The place where we, as humans, can experience genuine wholeness,
peace and connectedness, just like the horse. I believe, as it seems the
horses do, that our finest life’s energies will come when we go beyond
the predictability of logic and reason, and begin to live from our own
authentic self.
Read more Equus Spirit articles
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